While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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