I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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