I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
