the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
