He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
