Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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