Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
