When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
