I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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