2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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