the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
