Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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