"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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