He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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