dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize