I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
