woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
