I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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