wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's never too late to be topless.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
