$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize