with your own penis?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
