So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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