I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
