I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
