Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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