Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
