her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How's work?
Spinning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
