I need to stop coming to work sober
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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