umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
