my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize