She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
