My nipple is on Facebook.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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