I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
