his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize