Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
