My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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