3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
