It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
