ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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