And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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