wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
