carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
