hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
