Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
