i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
