after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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