talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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