it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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