my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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