I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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