ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
