when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
After tacos, we're chasing women.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize