Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
