Buhtt sex?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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