Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
