wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
