i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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