..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
