If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
