I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
