I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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