it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
