We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize