He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
