I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
