If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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