Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
