You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i now understand why vodka
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
