no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
