my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
